In this Outside magazine piece, Pam Houston writes about falling in love, "all the way.. without walls" for the first time at 55. She was taken aback when he asked if she "could love all the way, really give and receive, drop the ego, drop the walls, and take the leap." I can understand why she was taken aback! That seems like some monumental, Stanley Kowlaski love.
Yet she praises him not for the big, demonstrative, IG-worthy spectacles of love, but for the mundane signs of caring.
Mike called when he said he would, showed up on time, bought me gluten-free crackers and Smokey Bear earrings and offered to go to the feed store with me before I’d even said I was due for a restock. Every time I tried to whirl up some kind of trouble to see if I could shake him (no, I’m not proud of that), he would tell me not to water the weeds of unhappiness, and when that made me even madder, he’d say, “Pam, I’m patient, I’m happy, and I’m present,” and who could ask for more than that?
Mike is able to deal with her doubt and self sabotage down because he has more mundane attributes - patience, contentment, the ability to listen.
When Mike asks how I know I won’t get tired of him, I say, “I’ve been looking at Red Mountain out my kitchen window for a quarter century and have never loved it more than I do right now.” It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that my limitation is an old tale I no longer need to tell myself.
How do you know if you love someone? They make you more responsive and receptive to the things of the world you’ve always loved. They make you more alive outwards - to the world. Who wouldn’t want that kind of love?
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