Middle Season 21-2024

 

What is it I really like?

 Brian eno. 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9erXxRtFDI/?igsh=OG9naDh2cXFod2dz

Says it’s his guiding star of what I do. 

The most important question you can ask in your life 

Protocol at the end of the hour

Protocol at the end of the hour.

After every "event" of the day -- every pomodoro chunk, every block of time spent focused on something, make a quick note: what did I complete, accomplish?

Pause for a moment.  What's happening right now?  (Susan Susanka style)

Then, before the next "event," ask yourself two questions (or, "set your direction on your ship"):

1. WHAT am I trying to complete/accomplish in the next chunk of time? (be as concrete as possible)
2. WHAT is my intention?  (what should my tone be?) Am I looking to...
• find beauty? 
• seek peace?
• An opportunity for play, adventure, exploration, learning.  (these and following from LB here)

• An opportunity for curiosity.
• An opportunity for compassion and love.
• A way to express your gift, your true self, to sing your song.
• A way to connect with someone.
• An opportunity for wonder, gratitude, appreciation, awe.
• A way to practice mindfulness, being present to your life.
• A chance to surrender, trust, relax with life.
• A place to practice letting down your defenses.
• An opportunity to deepen, to contemplate, to find solitude and silence.
• An exhilarating experience of freedom and openness.
• A place of spaciousness.
• A chance to savor, find the deliciousness, find the delight.
• A place to choose.
• A way to experiment, try something new.
• A way to meet your needs, to own what you want, to set boundaries with love.
• An opportunity to lead, to serve.
• A way to express your purpose.
• An expression of your power.

Music Practice Journal

Notice the headers, which includes tempo.  

 From this website.

Music Practice Journal

A practice journal looks at more of the details of your session. In addition to tracking the amount of time you practice, you also track things like your goals for the session, what went well, what didn't go well, and what you plan to practice in your next session.

A basic journal can be made from any old notebook and a practice page should include:

• Date - What is the date and time of this session?
• Duration - How long did you practice for?
• Goals - What do you want to focus on in this session/What will you be practicing?
• What went well - What felt easy? What was better than usual and why?
• What did you make good progress on?
• What didn't go well - What problems could you not fix? Was anything uncomfortable?
• What did you do to try and improve it - How did you try and troubleshoot your problems?
• What would you like to accomplish next time - What are your goals for the next session?

Keeping track of this information will help you discover things like "When is the best time for me to practice; morning or night?" or "I really struggle with playing high notes softly and I have no idea how to fix it." In order to keep track of every detail, it is best to keep your practice journal on the stand or next to you during your sessions. Think of it like a map that tells you where your session should be heading and you are writing down landmarks along the journey. If you wait until after the session, two things might happen: (1) You will forget to write anything down at all. (2) Those "ah-ha!" moments won't be as vivid and you'll forget exactly what you meant or what inspired you.

Teaching us to wait

 Sarah Ruhl in "100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write."

Essay: "Writing and Waiting"

She begins: 

I like to look at people's faces when they are waiting. Do they look bored, rude, thoughtful, do they have a look of forbearance on their faces? The look of forbearance -- on sees that look more often on non-American facds, or on faces that have waited in line for bread. Forbearance, cousin of dignity, sister of patience... Patience is no longer of virtue in this country, I'm afraid. We've made it into a vice. And I'm worrried that the elimination of wiating will make us monstrous. Things we used to wait for: the news, mercury in a thermomenter to rise, letters from overseas, boast to come in from whaling expeditions, the fifth act, the fifth course, a turky to roast in the oven, a pig to roast on a spit, the phone to ring, a tape to rewind, bread to rise, tea to brew, grapes to ferment. . . .

And if waiting is lost, then will all the unconscious processes that take place during waiting get lost?

She ends:

Can the theater teach us to wait?  To forestall our satisfaction? Poems teach us how to wait. The natural world makes us wait. Erik Satie teaches us how to wait. And so does much music. Will YouTube teach us how to wait? Will YouTube teach us how to die?

5 TILF from Sarah Ruhl's "100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write"

 Recently finished "100 Essays" by Sarah Ruhl.  

Five reflections.  (See also my posts on other parts of her book "Teaching us to Wait" and "Life is about pleasure")

1. Essay 59: It's Beautiful, but I don't like it.  Recently, my son said to me after seeing a ballet on television: "It's beautiful but I don't like it." And I thought, Are many grown-ups capable of such a distinction?  It's beautiful and I don't like it. Usually, our grown-up thinking is more along the lines of: I don't like it, so it's not beautiful. What would it mean to separate those  two impressions for art making and for art criticism?
2. Essay 76: Must one enjoy one's children.  [Starts with question she remembers her mom asking: Why bother having children if you don't spend any time with them?  (her mother later says she meant "if you didn't spend time enjoying them.  Essay is about feminism, breast-feeding, crying as achild as mother left... only to have a lot of fun with dad.].  Here is the great last paragraph.  I like how she ends things:  questions and a final illustration.    How many hours spent with children is enough? How much must we enjoy them?  How much attention is enough? When I am not paying attention to my children, they apprea to despearate need it. When I am giving them my full attention, them seem just as happy to play by themselves. It is as though they need to be certain of my attention in order to play their own games and ignore me. My son has a way, when I'm not looking at him while he's talking, of taking my chin with his hand and turning my face directly toward his. Give me your full attention, he says with his hands.
3. Essay 80: Is playwriting teachable?  [This is MOSTLY an appreciation of her teacher Paula Vogel.]. What strike me most when I remember Paula's teaching is her presence as much as the content of her teachings. I think in this country we have an obsession with content and curriculum, all the while devaluing presence and proximity, which are teaching values hard to describe or quantify (or, indeed, teach). Paula has a tremendous gaze, a tremendous listening power, and the most intelligent curiousity of anyone I have ever met.  She took me seriously. . . . I found in Paula's approach to playwriting a great deal of pleasure and a great deal of play. It was almost too pleasurable, too decadent. I always thought I'd be a poet, which gave me a solitary, ascetic kind of pleasure, not the kind that makes you laugh out loud or stay up late into the night with others, And so I thought playwriting was a wonderful diversion. . . . When I reflect on all the things Paula taught me -- among them, Aristotelian form, non-Aristotelian form, bravery, stick-to-itiveness , now to write a play in forty-eight hours, how to write stage directions that are both important to stage and possible to stage -- the greatest of these is love. Love for the art form, love for fellow writers, and love for the world. . . . So, back to the abstract question: is playwriting teachable? Of course it's not teachable. and of course it is teachable.  It is as teachable as any other art form, in which we are dependent on a shared history and on our teachers for a sense of form, inspiration, and example; but we are dependent on ourselves alone for our subject matter, our private discipline, our wild fancies, our dreams.  The question of whether playwriting is teachable begets other questions: like: is devotion teachable? Is listening teachable? is a love of art and a willingness to give your life over to art teachable? I believe these things are teachable mostly by example, and in great silences.
4. Essay 81 and 82: "Bad play and original sin" and "A love note to dramaturgs." The first essay is a rant about dramatrugs; the second an appreciation.  I love the richness of that... Rather than writing a single essay in which she demonstrates her complex relationship.... it's a rant.... then a love note.
5.  Essay 89. Gobos, crickets, and false exits: three hobgoblins of false mimesis.  Here she talks about recording of crickets to be played during a scene.  [she'd prefer us to imagine it, I'd guess, as in Shakespeare.]. I love the phrase: "Someone else's shorthand for night." If the sound of crickets makes us feel that the night is more real on stage, it is more real with reference to a real night elsewhere, somewhere else recorded, someone else's memory of a cricket-drenched childhood, someone else's shorthand for night.
6. 
   

Also... she talks about a theater called 13P, standing for 13 Playwrights, "and we wanted to do thirteen plays by thirteen playwrights and then implode.  Which we did."

Also, in (91. Exits and entrances and oh the door) she muses on the difference between film and plays in terms of entrances... In film, the camera becomes the door.  In a play: "A person enters, and the scene is transformed. A witch enters, a witch exits." ... [when the theater tries to do an exit like a film, "It lacks magic."....  "Oh, the door! Made of simple wood, stanidng wobbly on a fake frame, it opens, it shuts, it slams or is quiet, people, things or animals come out and come in, a person comes out, an ostrich comes back in, oh the door!"  (great ending, again... a prose poem)

Also, in 91. The first day of rehearsal, she writes about one director, John doyle, and his distinctive first day: "he pulled out a large costume rack, crammed with bustles, top hats, rehersal skirts, rags, three-piece suits, dilapidated white wedding dresses, and sad sweaters.  he instructed the actors to pick out whatever costume they thoguht their characters might wear. The actors were giddy with excitement, suddenly young children, rushing out to the costume rack.  Once the actors had changed into their costumes, John said, "Olga, where do you think you might sit?" Olga sat where she tought she might sit. "Al right, Olga," said John, "begin the play."  (versus a corporate, boring first day of powerpoints and speeches.  What if the first day of rehearsal could contain more joy?  More costumes and fewer packets of information?  What if it were as secretive and intimate as children building a fort, covering themselves with blankets, sitting in the dark, saying to the outside world: keep out, keep out, for now...

It's a beautiful thing to do something right

 From Atomic Habits Newsletter:

Investor and mathematician Jim Simons on beauty:

“Be guided by beauty. I really mean that. I think pretty much everything I’ve done has had an aesthetic component—at least to me. Now, you might think, “Building a company that’s trading bonds? What’s so aesthetic about that?” What’s aesthetic about it is doing it right. Getting the right kind of people, and approaching the problem, and doing it right. And if you feel that you’re the first one to do it right, that’s a terrific feeling. It’s a beautiful thing to do something right.”

Source: ​Mathematics, Common Sense, and Good Luck

Redwing Blackbirds by Robert Penn Warren

 

Redwing Blackbirds
by Robert Penn Warren

How far a-winging to keep this appointment with April!
How much breath left in reserve to fill
The sky of washed azure and whipped-cream cumuli
With their rusty, musical, heart-plumbing cry!

On sedge, winter-bit but erect, on old cattails, they swing
Throast throb, your field glasses say, as they cling and sing -- 
If singing is what you call that rusty, gut-grabbing cry
That calls on life to be lived gladly, gladly

They twist, tumble, tangle, they glide and curvet,
And sun stabs the red splash to scarlet on each epaulet.
And the lazy distance of hills seems to take
A glint more green, and dry grass at your feet to wake.

In the vast of night, seasons later, sleet coding on pane,
Fire dead on hearth, hope banked in heart, I again
Awake, not in dream but with eyes shut, believing I hear
That rusty music far off, far off, and catch flash and fleer

Of a scarlet slash accenting the glossy black. Sleet
Continues. The heart continues its steady beat
AS I burrow into the tumulus of sleep,
Where all things are buried, though no man for sure knows how deep.

The globe grinds on, proceeds with the business of Aprils and men.
Next year will redwings see me, or I them, again then?
If not, some man else may pause, awaiting that rusty, musical cry,
And catch -- how gallant -- the flash of epaulets scarlet against blue sky.

ChatGPT: Can you summarize Alastair Humphreys' ideas?

 Alastair Humphreys is an adventurer, author, and motivational speaker known for his advocacy of living an adventurous and fulfilling life. His main ideas about living well include:

1. **Embracing Microadventures**:

   - Humphreys popularized the concept of microadventures, which are short, local, and affordable adventures that can be undertaken in the midst of everyday life. These small-scale adventures provide a break from routine and a sense of exploration and excitement.

2. **Seeking Challenges**:

   - He believes that stepping out of your comfort zone and seeking challenges, whether big or small, helps you grow and discover your potential. Challenges build resilience, confidence, and a sense of achievement.

3. **Living Simply**:

   - Humphreys advocates for simplicity and minimalism, emphasizing that you don't need a lot of money or possessions to live a rich and fulfilling life. He encourages focusing on experiences rather than material wealth.

4. **Connecting with Nature**:

   - Spending time in nature and appreciating its beauty is a core aspect of his philosophy. He promotes outdoor activities as a way to recharge, gain perspective, and enhance well-being.

5. **Finding Adventure in the Everyday**:

   - Humphreys encourages finding adventure in the mundane and seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. This mindset shift allows you to appreciate life's small moments and infuse your daily routine with a sense of wonder and curiosity.

6. **Cultivating a Positive Mindset**:

   - Maintaining a positive outlook and being open to new experiences is essential. Humphreys stresses the importance of attitude in overcoming obstacles and finding joy in life's journey.

7. **Pursuing Passion and Purpose**:

   - Following your passions and living with purpose are central to a well-lived life. Humphreys inspires people to identify what truly matters to them and to pursue it wholeheartedly.

By integrating these principles, Humphreys believes that anyone can lead a more adventurous, meaningful, and satisfying life.

MIddle Season #20 - 2024

 

I am going to offer service

 Thubten Chodron

Before going to work each morning, generate a good motivation, thinking “I’m going to offer service. Whomever I come in contact with today, be they colleagues, clients or others, I want to benefit them in whatever big or small way possible.”

ChatGPT: Mindfulness Questions for Reflection

 I asked ChatGPT to create 3 reflective questions about mindfulness from a variety of thinkers. I'm using these to build my deck of reflection cards.  Some are repetitive, but overall there's a wide range.  At the end, ChatGPT created a consolidated list.

### Ellen Langer

1. **How often am I aware of the present moment and my surroundings?**

   - Ellen Langer emphasizes the importance of being mindful in everyday life by noticing new things and being fully present.

2. **What assumptions am I making that might be limiting my perception of the present moment?**

   - She highlights the significance of questioning automatic thoughts and behaviors to cultivate mindfulness.

3. **In what ways can I introduce novelty into my routine to enhance my mindfulness?**

   - Langer believes that introducing novelty helps to maintain a mindful state by keeping the mind engaged and attentive.

***Thich Nhat Hanh, a renowned mindfulness teacher, might suggest the following reflective questions:

1. **Am I fully aware of my breath and its connection to my body and mind?**

   - Thich Nhat Hanh emphasizes the importance of mindful breathing as a way to anchor oneself in the present moment and cultivate awareness.

2. **How am I nurturing peace and compassion in myself and others through my daily actions?**

   - He teaches that mindfulness is not only about personal awareness but also about fostering peace and compassion in our interactions and relationships.

3. **Am I deeply present with the people and experiences in my life, appreciating them fully?**

   - Thich Nhat Hanh encourages the practice of deep listening and presence to fully appreciate the beauty of life and the people around us.

### Jon Kabat-Zinn

1. **Am I fully present with my current experience without judgment?**

   - Kabat-Zinn stresses the importance of non-judgmental awareness of the present moment.

2. **How am I responding to stress and discomfort in a mindful way?**

   - He focuses on using mindfulness to deal with stress, pain, and illness.

3. **What sensations, thoughts, and emotions am I experiencing right now?**

   - Kabat-Zinn encourages awareness of the full spectrum of experiences as they occur in the moment.

### Joseph Goldstein

1. **Am I observing my thoughts and feelings without attachment or aversion?**

   - Goldstein teaches the importance of mindful observation without clinging or pushing away experiences.

2. **How am I cultivating mindfulness in my daily meditation practice?**

   - He emphasizes the role of meditation in developing mindfulness.

3. **In what ways am I bringing mindfulness to my interactions with others?**

   - Goldstein highlights the application of mindfulness in relationships and social interactions.

### Jack Kornfield

1. **How can I bring kindness and compassion into my mindfulness practice?**

   - Kornfield integrates loving-kindness and compassion with mindfulness.

2. **What habitual patterns of thought or behavior am I becoming aware of?**

   - He encourages the mindful observation of habitual patterns.

3. **Am I able to accept my present experience with equanimity?**

   - Kornfield emphasizes acceptance and equanimity as key aspects of mindfulness.

### Tara Brach

1. **How am I practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance in this moment?**

   - Brach emphasizes the importance of self-compassion in mindfulness.

2. **What am I feeling in my body right now, and how can I stay present with it?**

   - She teaches the significance of bodily awareness in mindfulness practice.

3. **Am I allowing myself to experience the present moment fully, without resistance?**

   - Brach focuses on embracing the present moment without resistance.

### Thubten Chodron

1. **How am I bringing mindful awareness to my thoughts and emotions?**

   - Thubten Chodron stresses the importance of observing thoughts and emotions mindfully.

2. **In what ways am I practicing mindfulness in my daily activities?**

   - She encourages integrating mindfulness into everyday actions.

3. **Am I cultivating a sense of inner peace and calm through mindfulness?**

   - Chodron highlights the role of mindfulness in developing inner peace.

### Norman Fischer

1. **How am I incorporating mindfulness into my spiritual practice?**

   - Fischer emphasizes the spiritual aspect of mindfulness.

2. **Am I observing my thoughts and feelings with a sense of curiosity and openness?**

   - He encourages a curious and open approach to mindfulness.

3. **What insights am I gaining about myself through mindful reflection?**

   - Fischer highlights the importance of self-discovery through mindfulness.

### Pema Chodron

1. **Am I fully present with my feelings, even the uncomfortable ones?**

   - Chodron teaches the importance of being present with all emotions, including discomfort.

2. **How can I use mindfulness to break habitual patterns and reactions?**

   - She focuses on using mindfulness to disrupt habitual responses.

3. **Am I approaching my experiences with a sense of gentleness and compassion?**

   - Chodron emphasizes gentleness and compassion in mindfulness practice.

### Leo Babauta

1. **How am I simplifying my life to make space for mindfulness?**

   - Babauta promotes simplicity as a foundation for mindfulness.

2. **Am I being mindful in my daily routines and tasks?**

   - He encourages bringing mindfulness into everyday activities and routines.

3. **In what ways am I practicing gratitude and mindfulness together?**

   - Babauta integrates gratitude with mindfulness as a powerful practice.

### **Consolidated List of Reflective Questions**:

1. **Am I fully present with my current experience without judgment?**

2. **How often am I aware of the present moment and my surroundings?**

3. **Am I observing my thoughts and feelings without attachment or aversion?**

4. **How am I practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance in this moment?**

5. **What sensations, thoughts, and emotions am I experiencing right now?**

6. **In what ways am I bringing mindfulness to my interactions with others?**

7. **How can I bring kindness and compassion into my mindfulness practice?**

8. **What habitual patterns of thought or behavior am I becoming aware of?**

9. **Am I allowing myself to experience the present moment fully, without resistance?**

10. **How am I bringing mindful awareness to my thoughts and emotions?**

11. **Am I cultivating a sense of inner peace and calm through mindfulness?**

12. **What insights am I gaining about myself through mindful reflection?**

13. **Am I fully present with my feelings, even the uncomfortable ones?**

14. **How can I use mindfulness to break habitual patterns and reactions?**

15. **Am I simplifying my life to make space for mindfulness?**

16. **Am I being mindful in my daily routines and tasks?**

17. **In what ways am I practicing gratitude and mindfulness together?**

These questions, inspired by the teachings of the mentioned mindfulness experts, provide a comprehensive guide for daily reflection on mindfulness.

Music History Timeline

 

Ideas for Reflection Project by ChatGPT

 ChatGPT has helped create this idea:

### Project: Reflective Questions on Index Cards for Daily Use

#### **Project Overview**:

- **Format**: 31 index cards, each representing a day of the month.

- **Rotation**: Questions will cycle through different categories every seven days.

- **Special Questions**: Include standard reflection questions periodically.

### **Categories of Questions**:

1. **Mindfulness and Presence**

2. **Relationships and Connections**

3. **Career and Ambition**

4. **Creativity and Expression**

5. **Health and Wellness**

6. **Spirituality and Inner Growth**

7. **Personal Growth and Self-Improvement**

### **Additional Standard Questions**:

1. **Meta-Reflection**: Reflecting on past reflections.

2. **Gratitude**: Identifying things you are grateful for.

3. **Achievements**: Recognizing personal achievements.

4. **Challenges**: Reflecting on recent challenges and learnings.

5. **Goals**: Setting or reviewing goals.

6. **Learning**: Identifying recent learnings or insights.

7. **Joy and Fun**: Reflecting on moments of joy and fun.

### **Sample Question Rotation**:

- **Day 1**: Mindfulness and Presence

- **Day 2**: Relationships and Connections

- **Day 3**: Career and Ambition

- **Day 4**: Creativity and Expression

- **Day 5**: Health and Wellness

- **Day 6**: Spirituality and Inner Growth

- **Day 7**: Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

- **Day 8**: Mindfulness and Presence

- **Day 9**: Relationships and Connections

- **Day 10**: Career and Ambition

- **Day 11**: Creativity and Expression

- **Day 12**: Health and Wellness

- **Day 13**: Spirituality and Inner Growth

- **Day 14**: Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

- **Day 15**: Mindfulness and Presence

- **Day 16**: Relationships and Connections

- **Day 17**: Career and Ambition

- **Day 18**: Creativity and Expression

- **Day 19**: Health and Wellness

- **Day 20**: Spirituality and Inner Growth

- **Day 21**: Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

- **Day 22**: Mindfulness and Presence

- **Day 23**: Relationships and Connections

- **Day 24**: Career and Ambition

- **Day 25**: Creativity and Expression

- **Day 26**: Health and Wellness

- **Day 27**: Spirituality and Inner Growth

- **Day 28**: Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

- **Day 29**: Mindfulness and Presence

- **Day 30**: Standard Question (Meta-Reflection, Gratitude, etc.)

- **Day 31**: Relationships and Connections (or another Standard Question if preferred)

### **Design and Layout Ideas**:

1. **Color Coding**: Use different colors for each category to visually distinguish them.

2. **Numbering**: Clearly number each card for the day of the month.

3. **Icons**: Add small icons related to each category (e.g., a heart for relationships, a lightbulb for creativity).

4. **Space for Notes**: Leave space on each card for jotting down thoughts and answers.

5. **Affirmations or Quotes**: Include a related affirmation or inspirational quote on the back of each card.

### **Example Questions**:

#### **Mindfulness and Presence**:

1. What moments today have I felt fully present and engaged?

2. How have I practiced mindfulness in my daily activities?

3. Describe a recent experience where I felt completely in the moment.

#### **Relationships and Connections**:

1. What actions have I taken to strengthen my relationships this week?

2. How have I shown empathy and understanding towards others recently?

3. Reflect on a meaningful conversation you had recently. What did you learn?

#### **Career and Ambition**:

1. What progress have I made towards my career goals?

2. How have I embraced challenges at work recently?

3. Reflect on a recent success in your career. What contributed to it?

#### **Creativity and Expression**:

1. What creative projects have I enjoyed working on this week?

2. How have I expressed my creativity in unexpected ways recently?

3. Describe a creative idea you had recently. How can you develop it further?

#### **Health and Wellness**:

1. What healthy habits have I maintained this week?

2. How have I taken care of my mental and emotional well-being?

3. Reflect on a recent exercise or wellness activity. How did it make you feel?

#### **Spirituality and Inner Growth**:

1. What practices have helped me connect with my spirituality?

2. How have I sought inner peace and clarity recently?

3. Reflect on a moment of spiritual insight or growth. What did it teach you?

#### **Personal Growth and Self-Improvement**:

1. What steps have I taken towards personal growth this week?

2. How have I challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone?

3. Reflect on a recent learning experience. How has it changed you?

### **Other Ideas for Enhancing the Project**:

1. **Decorative Elements**: Use decorative elements like stickers, washi tape, or stamps to personalize each card.

2. **Monthly Themes**: Have a different overarching theme each month and tailor some of the questions to fit that theme.

3. **Reflection Time Reminder**: Include a small clock or calendar icon on each card to remind you to set aside time for reflection.

4. **Portable Case**: Create or purchase a small, portable case to hold the cards, making it easy to take them with you.

5. **Digital Companion**: Consider creating a digital companion for the cards, like a simple app or a digital journal, where you can record your reflections.

6. **Community Sharing**: Create a space (online forum or social media group) where people using the cards can share their reflections and insights.

This format provides a structured yet flexible approach to daily reflection, making it engaging and manageable.

--- 

I asked it to expand on idea I boldfaced above, and...

### **Monthly Themes**:

Incorporating monthly themes can provide focus and variety to your reflections, enriching the experience by exploring different aspects of life more deeply each month. Here's how you can implement monthly themes within the framework of a 31-day cycle:

### **Possible Monthly Themes**:

1. **January - New Beginnings and Goal Setting**

2. **February - Love and Relationships**

3. **March - Personal Growth and Self-Discovery**

4. **April - Creativity and Innovation**

5. **May - Health and Wellness**

6. **June - Mindfulness and Presence**

7. **July - Adventure and Exploration**

8. **August - Career and Ambition**

9. **September - Learning and Knowledge**

10. **October - Gratitude and Appreciation**

11. **November - Spirituality and Inner Growth**

12. **December - Reflection and Celebration**

### **How to Implement Monthly Themes**:

1. **Assign a Theme to Each Month**: Each month will have a specific theme that influences the type of reflection questions for that month.

2. **Create Themed Questions**: Tailor some of the reflection questions to align with the monthly theme while still cycling through your main categories. This ensures a balance of variety and depth.

### **Example: February - Love and Relationships**:

- **Mindfulness and Presence (Day 1, 8, 15, 22)**:

  1. How can I be more present in my interactions with loved ones?

  2. Reflect on a moment of deep connection with someone. How did it make you feel?

- **Relationships and Connections (Day 2, 9, 16, 23)**:

  1. What actions have I taken to strengthen my relationships this week?

  2. How have I shown empathy and understanding towards others recently?

- **Career and Ambition (Day 3, 10, 17, 24)**:

  1. How do my professional relationships affect my work life?

  2. Reflect on a time when collaboration led to a successful outcome at work.

- **Creativity and Expression (Day 4, 11, 18, 25)**:

  1. How can I use creativity to express my feelings towards others?

  2. Reflect on a creative project that involved collaboration or support from someone else.

- **Health and Wellness (Day 5, 12, 19, 26)**:

  1. How do my relationships influence my overall well-being?

  2. Reflect on a health-related goal you can achieve with the support of a friend or family member.

- **Spirituality and Inner Growth (Day 6, 13, 20, 27)**:

  1. How do my spiritual beliefs shape my relationships?

  2. Reflect on a time when spiritual practice helped you resolve a conflict with someone.

- **Personal Growth and Self-Improvement (Day 7, 14, 21, 28)**:

  1. What have I learned about myself through my relationships?

  2. How can I improve my communication skills to enhance my relationships?

- **Standard Questions (Day 29, 30, 31)**:

  1. Reflect on your overall growth in relationships this month.

  2. What have you learned about love and connection?

  3. What steps can you take next month to continue fostering healthy relationships?

### **Example: July - Adventure and Exploration**:

- **Mindfulness and Presence (Day 1, 8, 15, 22)**:

  1. How can I be more present during my adventures?

  2. Reflect on a moment of exploration where you felt fully engaged.

- **Relationships and Connections (Day 2, 9, 16, 23)**:

  1. How can I invite others to join me in my adventures?

  2. Reflect on a memorable trip or experience with a loved one.

- **Career and Ambition (Day 3, 10, 17, 24)**:

  1. How can exploring new ideas benefit my career?

  2. Reflect on a professional opportunity that felt like an adventure.

- **Creativity and Expression (Day 4, 11, 18, 25)**:

  1. How can I use creativity to plan my next adventure?

  2. Reflect on a creative project inspired by a place or experience.

- **Health and Wellness (Day 5, 12, 19, 26)**:

  1. How can physical adventures contribute to my health?

  2. Reflect on a time when exploring new activities improved your wellness.

- **Spirituality and Inner Growth (Day 6, 13, 20, 27)**:

  1. How can spiritual exploration deepen my understanding of myself?

  2. Reflect on a spiritual journey or retreat and its impact on you.

- **Personal Growth and Self-Improvement (Day 7, 14, 21, 28)**:

  1. What personal growth have I experienced through adventures?

  2. Reflect on a challenge you faced while exploring and what you learned.

- **Standard Questions (Day 29, 30, 31)**:

  1. Reflect on your overall growth through adventures this month.

  2. What have you learned about yourself through exploration?

  3. What new adventures do you want to plan for next month?

### **Benefits of Monthly Themes**:

1. **Focused Reflection**: Each month has a clear focus, making it easier to dive deeper into specific areas of your life.

2. **Variety**: Changing themes monthly keeps the reflection process fresh and engaging.

3. **Holistic Growth**: By exploring different themes, you ensure a well-rounded approach to personal development.

### **Additional Tips**:

- **Create a Schedule**: Outline the themes and corresponding questions for the year in advance.

- **Review and Adjust**: At the end of each month, review your reflections and adjust the upcoming month’s questions if needed.

- **Share and Discuss**: Consider sharing your monthly themes and reflections with a friend or community for added insights and support.

Using monthly themes adds structure and excitement to your reflection practice, making it a dynamic and enriching experience.

----

before this, I asked it to give me some ideas to create reflection questions that are outside the idea of a workbook.  This is what it said:

Absolutely, here are some creative and inviting ways to organize and present your reflection questions:

### 1. **Index Cards on a Key Ring**:

   - **Design**: Print each question on an individual index card, punch a hole in the corner, and bind them together with a large key ring.

   - **Usage**: Flip through the cards daily or weekly and reflect on a random question.

### 2. **Reflection Jar**:

   - **Design**: Write each question on a small piece of paper or a colorful card, fold them up, and place them in a decorative jar.

   - **Usage**: Draw a question from the jar each day or week for a surprise reflection prompt.

### 3. **Mindfulness Calendar**:

   - **Design**: Create a calendar where each day or week features a different reflection question.

   - **Usage**: Reflect on the question of the day or week, and jot down your thoughts in a separate journal.

### 4. **Question Cube**:

   - **Design**: Make or purchase a cube with six sides and write a different question on each side. You can have multiple cubes for a larger collection.

   - **Usage**: Roll the cube to determine which question to reflect on.

### 5. **Reflection Deck**:

   - **Design**: Create a deck of cards, similar to a playing card deck, where each card has a unique reflection question.

   - **Usage**: Shuffle the deck and draw a card daily or weekly to guide your reflection.

### 6. **Sticky Notes Wall**:

   - **Design**: Write each question on a sticky note and arrange them on a wall or a large poster board in a visually pleasing manner.

   - **Usage**: Pick a different note each day or week and reflect on that question.

### 7. **Reflection Bookmark**:

   - **Design**: Create a bookmark with a list of questions. You can have different bookmarks for different themes.

   - **Usage**: Keep the bookmark in your journal or current book, and use it as a quick reference for reflection prompts.

### 8. **Digital App or Widget**:

   - **Design**: Use or develop an app or a widget that delivers a new reflection question to your phone or computer each day.

   - **Usage**: Reflect on the question whenever you have a moment, and optionally record your thoughts in a digital journal.

### 9. **Chalkboard or Whiteboard**:

   - **Design**: Write a different reflection question on a chalkboard or whiteboard each day or week.

   - **Usage**: Reflect on the question whenever you see it, and erase and replace it with a new one regularly.

### 10. **Reflection Puzzle**:

   - **Design**: Create a puzzle with reflection questions on each piece. When the puzzle is assembled, it forms a complete picture.

   - **Usage**: As you put the puzzle together, reflect on the questions on the pieces.

### 11. **Interactive Poster**:

   - **Design**: Create a large poster with different sections for each category of questions. Add interactive elements like flaps or windows that reveal questions.

   - **Usage**: Explore a new section or question by lifting a flap or opening a window.

### 12. **Reflection Stones**:

   - **Design**: Write questions on small, smooth stones or pebbles and keep them in a decorative bowl or bag.

   - **Usage**: Draw a stone and reflect on the question inscribed on it.

### 13. **Travel Reflection Kit**:

   - **Design**: Create a portable kit with small cards or a mini booklet containing reflection questions, designed to be taken on trips.

   - **Usage**: Use the kit to reflect while traveling or during quiet moments away from home.

### 14. **Reflection Wheel**:

   - **Design**: Create a wheel divided into sections, each with a different question. The wheel can be spun to select a question.

   - **Usage**: Spin the wheel daily or weekly to choose a reflection question.

### 15. **Bookmark Jar**:

   - **Design**: Write questions on strips of paper and place them in a jar. These can be drawn out and used as bookmarks.

   - **Usage**: Each time you read, use a different question as a bookmark and reflect on it during breaks.

These creative formats can make the practice of reflection more engaging, inviting, and enjoyable. Choose a method that resonates with you and fits seamlessly into your daily routine.

Inspired by the wisdom of those who have influenced you: ChatGPT creates Annual Birthday Reflection Questions

I asked ChatGPT to create some annual birthday questions.

My question: Can you create a list of reflective questions to ask yourself annually, like on your birthday? This is for a middle-aged male who is influenced by people like Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hahn, Thubten Chodron, Pema Chodron, Kevin Kelly. So, if possible, create questions that are influenced by those people.

1. Mindfulness and Presence (Jon Kabat-Zinn)

   • How have I incorporated mindfulness into my daily life over the past year?
   • When did I feel most present and aware? What can I learn from those moments?
   • What are my biggest distractions, and how can I reduce their impact on my mindfulness?

2. Compassion and Interbeing (Thich Nhat Hanh)

   • How have I practiced compassion towards myself and others this year?
   • In what ways have I cultivated a sense of interbeing with the world around me?
   • How can I deepen my practice of loving-kindness and understanding?

3. Inner Peace and Ethical Living (Thubten Chodron)

   • What steps have I taken to cultivate inner peace and mental clarity?
   • How have my actions aligned with my ethical values and principles?
   • What habits or behaviors can I change to better support my spiritual growth?

4. Future Thinking and Innovation (Kevin Kelly)

   • How have I embraced new technologies or ideas to enhance my life and well-being?
   • What steps have I taken to adapt to the changing world around me?
   • How can I better prepare myself for the future while staying grounded in the present?

5. Embracing Uncertainty and Impermanence (Pema Chodron)

   • How have I embraced uncertainty and change in my life this past year?
   • When faced with difficulties, how did I practice staying present and open?
   • What moments of discomfort have I learned from, and how have they shaped me?

6. Cultivating Resilience and Compassion (Pema Chodron)

   • How have I practiced compassion for myself during challenging times?
   • In what ways have I built resilience in the face of life's ups and downs?
   • How can I develop a deeper sense of patience and kindness towards myself and others?

7. Letting Go and Moving Forward (Pema Chodron)

   • What attachments or expectations have I let go of this year?
   • How can I continue to practice letting go of what no longer serves me?
   • What new opportunities or perspectives have arisen from letting go?

8. Personal Growth and Reflection

   • What were my biggest challenges this year, and how did I overcome them?
   • What achievements or milestones am I most proud of from the past year?
   • How have my relationships evolved, and what have I learned from them?

9. Health and Well-being

   • How have I taken care of my physical health and well-being?
   • What changes can I make to improve my diet, exercise, and overall lifestyle?
   • How do I balance work, rest, and play to ensure a healthy life?

10. Contribution and Legacy

    • How have I contributed to my community or society in meaningful ways?
    • What legacy do I want to leave, and how can I work towards that vision?
    • How can I inspire and support others in their own journeys?

11. Gratitude and Appreciation

    • What am I most grateful for over the past year?
    • Who has had a positive impact on my life, and how can I express my appreciation?
    • How can I cultivate a daily practice of gratitude moving forward?

These questions should help you reflect deeply on various aspects of your life, inspired by the wisdom of the individuals who have influenced you.

Core Principles and Daily Actions

 James Clear Year-End-Review from 2014 includes his naming core principles and daily actions.  In the same reflection, he says that he wants to get better at thanking people

Core Principles:

1. Self-Respect: Authenticity, Balance, Happiness
2. Resiliency: Preparedness, Strength, Sisu
3. Growth: Learning, Adventure, Taking Action

Daily Actions:

1. Habits: Am I doing the right things consistently?
2. Creativity: Am I contributing to the world or just consuming it?
3. Service: Am I taking actions that make the lives of others better?

--------

I asked ChatGPT to infer my list of key principles and daily habits, based on JKZ, KK, the Chodrons, TNH

Here's what it said:

Based on the influence of Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Thubten Chodron, Kevin Kelly, and Pema Chodron, here are some inferred key principles and possible daily habits:  (I later revised to add Norman Fischer).  The original is below the line.

Here are the revised key principles and daily habits, excluding Austin Kleon and Elizabeth Gilbert:

### Key Principles:

1. **Mindfulness and Presence** (Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Norman Fischer)

   - Cultivating awareness and living in the present moment.

   - Being fully engaged in each activity without distraction.

2. **Compassion and Loving-Kindness** (Thich Nhat Hanh, Thubten Chodron, Pema Chodron, Norman Fischer)

   - Practicing empathy and kindness towards oneself and others.

   - Understanding the interconnectedness of all beings and acting with compassion.

3. **Inner Peace and Ethical Living** (Thubten Chodron, Pema Chodron, Norman Fischer)

   - Seeking inner tranquility through meditation and ethical behavior.

   - Aligning actions with personal values and principles.

4. **Adaptability and Innovation** (Kevin Kelly)

   - Embracing change and technological advancements.

   - Continuously learning and adapting to new circumstances.

5. **Resilience and Acceptance** (Pema Chodron, Norman Fischer)

   - Embracing uncertainty and impermanence.

   - Developing resilience and patience in the face of challenges.

6. **Creative Expression** (Norman Fischer)

   - Valuing the role of creative expression in spiritual practice.

   - Using art, poetry, and other creative outlets to explore and express inner experiences.

7. **Community and Interconnectedness** (Thich Nhat Hanh, Norman Fischer)

   - Recognizing the importance of community (sangha) and supporting one another.

   - Engaging in practices that foster a sense of belonging and mutual support.

8. **Gratitude and Appreciation** (Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron)

   - Cultivating a sense of gratitude for the present moment and the people in your life.

   - Recognizing and appreciating the small joys in everyday life.

### Possible Key Daily Habits:

1. **Meditation Practice** (Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Norman Fischer)

   - Engaging in daily mindfulness meditation to center yourself and cultivate awareness.

2. **Mindful Breathing** (Thich Nhat Hanh)

   - Practicing mindful breathing exercises throughout the day to stay present.

3. **Compassionate Reflection** (Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron, Norman Fischer)

   - Taking time each day to reflect on how you can be more compassionate towards yourself and others.

4. **Ethical Decision-Making** (Thubten Chodron, Norman Fischer)

   - Making conscious choices that align with your ethical values and principles.

5. **Learning and Innovation** (Kevin Kelly)

   - Setting aside time for reading, learning, and exploring new ideas or technologies.

6. **Creative Expression** (Norman Fischer)

   - Engaging in daily creative activities like writing, drawing, or making music.

7. **Gratitude Journaling** (Jon Kabat-Zinn, Pema Chodron)

   - Keeping a daily gratitude journal to note down things you are thankful for.

8. **Physical Well-being** (Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh)

   - Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise, balanced diet, and adequate rest.

9. **Letting Go and Acceptance** (Pema Chodron, Norman Fischer)

   - Practicing letting go of attachments and accepting the present moment as it is.

10. **Community Engagement** (Thich Nhat Hanh, Norman Fischer)

    - Participating in community activities or acts of service to contribute to the well-being of others.

11. **Mindful Consumption** (Kevin Kelly)

    - Being mindful of your consumption habits, whether it's media, food, or material goods, and choosing what supports your well-being and values.

These principles and habits reflect the teachings of your key influences, promoting a balanced and mindful approach to life, creativity, and personal growth.

-------

### Key Principles:

1. **Mindfulness and Presence**

   - Cultivating awareness and living in the present moment.

   - Being fully engaged in each activity without distraction.

2. **Compassion and Loving-Kindness**

   - Practicing empathy and kindness towards oneself and others.

   - Understanding the interconnectedness of all beings.

3. **Inner Peace and Ethical Living**

   - Seeking inner tranquility through meditation and ethical behavior.

   - Aligning actions with personal values and principles.

4. **Adaptability and Innovation**

   - Embracing change and technological advancements.

   - Continuously learning and adapting to new circumstances.

5. **Resilience and Acceptance**

   - Embracing uncertainty and impermanence.

   - Developing resilience and patience in the face of challenges.

6. **Gratitude and Appreciation**

   - Cultivating a sense of gratitude for the present moment and the people in your life.

   - Recognizing and appreciating the small joys in everyday life.

### Possible Key Daily Habits:

1. **Meditation Practice**

   - Engaging in daily mindfulness meditation to center yourself and cultivate awareness.

2. **Mindful Breathing**

   - Practicing mindful breathing exercises throughout the day to stay present.

3. **Compassionate Reflection**

   - Taking time each day to reflect on how you can be more compassionate towards yourself and others.

4. **Ethical Decision-Making**

   - Making conscious choices that align with your ethical values and principles.

5. **Learning and Innovation**

   - Setting aside time for reading, learning, and exploring new ideas or technologies.

6. **Gratitude Journaling**

   - Keeping a daily gratitude journal to note down things you are thankful for.

7. **Physical Well-being**

   - Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise, balanced diet, and adequate rest.

8. **Letting Go and Acceptance**

   - Practicing letting go of attachments and accepting the present moment as it is.

9. **Community Engagement**

   - Participating in community activities or acts of service to contribute to the well-being of others.

10. **Mindful Consumption**

    - Being mindful of your consumption habits, whether it's media, food, or material goods, and choosing what supports your well-being and values.

These inferred principles and habits align with the teachings of your key influences and suggest a lifestyle focused on mindfulness, compassion, ethical living, adaptability, resilience, and gratitude.

Giving Credit to Others

 James Clear Year-End-Review from 2014  says that he wants to get better at thanking people

Giving the credit to others. During my sabbatical in June, I thought about how I could improve my writing and give more credit to the people who inspire me and influence my work. My first improvement was citing sources at the end of my articles. I also made an effort to verbally cite sources in interviews (I usually do 3 to 5 interviews per week). My favorite improvement, though, was creating my Thank You page. This page is a small tribute to the people who have helped me throughout my life.

The Thank You page starts like this: (and is followed by a long, non-alphabetical list).

I have been fortunate to have a long list of supportive family members, wonderful friends, helpful educators, and inspiring mentors in my life. Many of them I have known personally, others only through their work.

These people have influenced my thoughts and actions. My ideas and work have built upon the lessons I have learned from them. In the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson, “I am a part of all that I have met.”

For those reasons, I would like to say “Thank You” to…

Everything I Looked at Cried Out to Be Captured

 

 

Macy's Stairway, 1941 - Wanda Gag

 

From the Whitney Museum.

In Gág’s prints, inanimate objects appear to wobble in space, tilting this way and that in defiance of the logic of linear perspective. Gág elaborated on her perception of space in a 1938 application for a Guggenheim fellowship grant, writing: 

“To me, perspective is more than a mechanical set of rules—I see in it the potentialities for rhythmic forcefulness and even emotional significance. With form and space it is the same: a still life is never still to me, it is solidified energy—and space does not impress me as being empty.”

“Everything I looked at cried out to be captured and set down on paper. It mattered little whether I looked at a landscape or a junk heap, a cat or a flower or a weed, my Sears-Roebuck bed, or my bare kitchen—each thing had a personality and a life of its own, and all arranged themselves in ready-made compositions about me.” —Gág, diary entry, 1938

“One of the things I planned to do during my short visit there, was to get some very accurate drawings of all these well-known corners, furniture and so on. Even the old couch, on which all the Gágs had sat thousands of times, was still in its old place, with the newspaper rack above it, Aunt Lena’s sewing machine to the left of it, and one of those wild pink, blue and lavender bas-relief calendars on the wall to the right of the couch….I spent most of my time drawing frantically. There were so many spots I wanted to draw.” —Wanda Gág, diary entry, 1938

Life is about pleasure

 

 from Sarah Ruhl  in 100 Essays I Don’t Have Time to Write.  

In other essays, she writes about Martin Buber... this is certainly related.

On  Maria Irene Fornes 

Maria Irene Fornes was once my teacher. She objected to the language of intention in the method school of acting, to the constant refrain: "What does my character want in this scene?" One day she said to us, "Who always wants something from someone else? Only criminals. And Americans."

---

Perhaps what Fornes was advocating was a theater of desire, transformation, and grace over and above simple want.

---

   When I visited Irene, she seemed to have no wants.

   I hoped that the simple act of being together was enough, as it was for so many of her characters, suspended in a state of communion. She once said to us in class, "American actors are taught to have objectives—what does your character want from the other character? That is business.

   When I deal with other people, I don't want something from them; I want a rapport. Some people say that's an objective-it's not-it's a sensation of well-being. Life is not constantly about wanting to get something from somebody else. Life is about pleasure."

Gottman: What Soothes You?

Winter Twilight, 1927, Wanda Gag. The Whitney Museum

 If you’re not taking care of yourself, how can you expect to show up for your partner, your children, family members, or any other important people in your life? 

 

“Self-care” is everywhere. It’s trendy and, as a concept, it’s extremely vague. The words “self-care” may conjure up images of bubble baths, mud masks, or anything involving essential oils. 

 

But what if bubble baths don’t do it for you?

 

Self-care isn’t just about treating yourself—it’s about treating yourself well. And that looks different for everyone.

 

• So what relaxes or soothes you? 
• What makes you feel good in your body? 
• What’s an experience or activity that makes the world slip away?
• What did you enjoy doing as a kid? 
• What about that activity or experience did you enjoy most?

 

Maybe your version of self-care is going for a run, or maybe it’s watching a favorite episode of a show you’ve already seen. Maybe you like to get immersed in a jigsaw puzzle or a novel—or maybe self-care means lighting all the candles you own, singing at the top of your lungs, and cleaning the toilet.

 

What does self-care look like for your partner? How is it similar to your version of self-care? How is it different? How can you create moments that facilitate self-care for each of you?

 

When you tune into the things that light you from within, you are better able to share your light with others.

Ravens at Deer Creek by Robert Wrigley

Ravens at Deer Creek

   by Robert Wrigley

Something’s dead in that stand of fir

one ridge over. Ravens circle and swoop

above the trees, while others

swirl up from below, like paper scraps

blackened in a fire. In the mountains

in winter, it’s true: death is a joyful flame,

those caws, and cartwheels pure celebration.

It is long snowy mile I’ve come

to see this, thanks to dumb luck or grace.

I meant only a hard ski through powder,

my pulse in my ears, and sweat, the pace

like mainspring, my breath louder and louder

until I stopped, body an engine

ticking to be cool. And now the birds.

I watch them and think, maybe I have seen

these very ones, speaking without words,

clear-eyed and clerical, ironic, peering in at me

from the berm of snow outside my window,

where I sprinkled a few crumbs of bread. We

are neighbors in the neighborhood of silence.

They’ve accepted crumbs, and when the fire was hot

and smokeless huddled in ranks against

the cold at the top of the chimney. And They’re not

without gratitude. Though I’m clearly visible

to them now, they swirl on and sing,

and if, in the early dusk, I should fall

on my way back home and -injured, weeping-

rail against the stars and frigid night

and crawl a while on my hopeless way

then stop, numb, easing into the darken white

like a candle, I know they’ll stay

with me, keeping watch, moving limb to limb

angles down Jacob’s ladder, wise

to the moon, and waiting for me, simple as sin,

that they may know the delicacy of my eyes.

Middle Season #19 - 2024

 

All in Bemis on the 10th;  milkweed, maybe compass plant?  Or silphium  trifoliatum , Germander, 

Jewelweed (Impatiens capensis)

The moth identified by Google as. Cabbage White - Pieris rapae

Commitment is a practice

Grandma's Parlor, 1930 - Wanda Gag - Whitney Museum

 

From Zen Habits - practice showing up no matter what: 

Recently I had a reader write in to me about not being good at finishing things.

A few examples of things they haven’t finished:

• They bought a course and never finished it
• They can’t seem to stick to a diet
• They’ve only gone on half of the hikes they want to go on in their area

I can relate! It can be hard to finish things — we get excited about something at the start, but when we get busy or things get hard or boring, our commitment wavers.

So how do we get better at finishing things? We have to deepen into commitment, and get support.

Before we get into the details, it’s important to note: commitment is a practice. It’s not something you either have or don’t have, or that you’ll always suck at. You have to practice, develop trust in yourself, learn what works, learn to bring in what’s needed for what you’re facing. Let yourself get better at commitment by being in the practice of commitment, regularly.

If you’d like to practice commitment, here’s what I suggest:

1. Make a deeper commitment: if you’re only half committed, then when things get busy, your commitment will go out the door. So it’s a practice to deepen the commitment — figure out why you really care about something, commit to others, and practice showing up no matter what. It’s like the commitment of a parent to feed their children — there’s no question.

Gottman - Build Love Maps

Country Road, 1925 - Wanda Gag - Whitney Museum

 These couples made plenty of cognitive room in their minds for their relationship. They remember the major events in each other’s histories, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change. They know each other’s goals in life, worries, and dreams. Without such a love map, you can’t know your partner.

From knowledge springs not only love, but the fortitude to weather marital storms. Couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s worlds are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict. Partners who are already are intently aware of what each other are feeling and thinking aren’t as thrown off course by changes and stress in each other’s lives. But if you don’t start off with a deep knowledge of each other, it’s easy for your relationship to lose its way when your lives shift with the challenges and stressors that come to you over time.

How to build Love Maps

Start creating and strengthening your Love Maps today. Try to answer the following questions about each other and find out how much you know about your partner’s world.

Love Map Exercise:

• Name your partner’s two closest friends.
• What was your partner wearing when you first met?
• Name one of your partner’s hobbies.
• What stresses your partner right now?
• Describe in detail what your partner did today or yesterday.
• What is your partner’s fondest unrealized dream?
• What is one of your partner’s greatest fears or disaster scenarios?
• What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
• What is one of your partner’s favorite ways to be soothed?
• Name a person your partner dislikes.
• What is your partner’s ideal job?
• What medical problems does your partner worry about?

Asking these questions will help you develop greater personal insight and a more detailed “map” of each other’s lives and worlds. However, getting to know your partner better is an ongoing process. Updating your love maps regularly together by sitting down and catching up. Remember, the more you know about each other, the more you feel a strong connection, and the more profound and rewarding your relationship will be