Fully Living

Tomioka Soichiro (Japanese, 1922-1994)

Trees, 1961

 Oil on canvas

This week, after work, there's been nothing but homework, chores, a bit of exercise, making dinner, and a bit of reading.  The me outside of that has dwindled. (and not just this week.) What is there, after the chores, the work, exercise, after the TV, the compulsive reading?  Where is the true life? What is the true life? Would woodwork scratch this itch? Having a summer home? Drinking better wine? What's the stuff of "real life"?

Would having a better relationship with my kids?

I started a list in my journal, compelled from these thinkings, a version of "Ideas Towards a Larger Life."  What would make me feel like I was "fully living"?

I know the Buddhist answer would be: live the life you are living right now, enjoy the "now."

I have "accomplished" a great number of things: healthier eating, regular exercise (including resistance and mini HIIT training).  I keep a journal, do gratefulness lists every day.  I meditate daily, sometimes 2x/day.  I have 12 or 13 things on my daily checklist of things of "wise habits" that I hit 40-50% at each day... and get the impression now that I could be getting 100% and not feel any different.

Last night on PBS Newshour, there was a mother of a child killed at Sandy Hook Elementary 10 years ago.  The journalist asked how she spends the anniversary.  She replied that she had several rituals, but the day always ended with several hours walking on the seashore.  She said she was "re-grounded in nature." (or something like that).  In this case, being in nature isn't necessarily the "stuff of life," but a necessary corrective to the trauma.