Antidote to Contempt: a Culture of Appreciation

 The antidote to contempt is to build a culture of appreciation and respect in your relationship.

One way is by practicing Small Things Often. If you regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner, you’ll create a positive perspective in your relationship that acts as a buffer for negative feelings.

Another way is to show and verbalize regular appreciation and admiration for your partner. Look for ways of letting the other person know that they are important and valued, focus on what you cherish in each other and share those thoughts regularly, and show affection on a regular basis.

A third way to build a culture of appreciation is by having more positive interactions in your relationship than negative ones. Dr. John Gottman terms this the “magic ratio” or “the 5:1 ratio” and uses a banking metaphor to describe it. Essentially, if you have five or more positive interactions for every one negative interaction, then you’re making regular deposits into your emotional bank account, which keeps your relationship in the green. The bottom line: focus on creating more positive interactions with your partner.