You can have power or a connection

 

Hasui Kawase

About a month ago I reached out to Charlotte's old therapist for a referral for myself.  I did the the third session with the new therapist today.  At the end he said, "well, where do we go from here?" which I took to be a kind way of saying "I've given you the help you need."

The nugget from this session involved how I struggle when Karrie and Charlotte both exclude me from any information about themselves, including medical and school-related things.  And then ask me for money.

Therapist said, "You can probably force them to be compliant."  I could force them, with legal help, or whatever, to "have a conversation with me."  But I can't force them to want to have a relationship with me.  So, I have to choose.  Maybe he said it like: "you can have power or you can have connection."

He says that Henry may turn around when he's 25 or 26, "when he needs a dad."  Charlotte maybe never.  Karrie never.

I have been indexing my blogs for my 51st year.  I came across January 16, 2020 (Honor Their Priorities) which deals with something VERY similar. Here's what I indexed:

From Open hearted life.  Long post about coming across this reading at the right time re: my kids; Equanimity (impartial, open-hearted concern for all beings) is our response in two situations. One is when the other person is doing well and doesn't nee our help.  Here we refrain from interfering in others' lives by giving advice that is both unasked for and unnecessary because they are already doing well.  In other words, giving people credit for their ability to manage their own affairs, we calm our "need to be needed" and let others be.