On “intentions”

 Jennie saw a sign in the bathroom mirror at Kick Coffee in Sturgeon Bay - “Intentions are Everything.”  She liked that. Earlier on a hike we took in Door County, she said that she wanted 2021 to be a year of peace, calm, and positive energy.  Those are good intentions, rather than resolutions, for next year. 

I shared with Jennie what I knew about “intentions” in Buddhism and meditation practice - how Tara Brach and Thubten Chodron start all meditations with a brief calling to mind of intentions. 

A few days ago I noted a Gottman Institute message about sharing positive impressions about your partner in order to combat creeping annoyances. They note that this is an intentional mental practice. 

You just can’t go thru the motions to make this exercise work - you can’t just say “oh there are many things I like about her. I noted them in April. They’re on a pad of paper in my desk drawer.”  Instead it’s the act of thinking again why you love this person or what specifically you appreciate. This is the work, the rewiring , the practice. 

When you express these things there are emotional benefits to both sides. 

Pema Chodron says that in Buddhism it’s not what you do, it’s why you do it. And you should always be checking your intentions. Often out intentions are masked from ourselves. 

Doing things intentionally is part, I think, of “right living” - at least my version of it. 

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I'm also thinking now of "emotional intelligence" and how it's a skill (probably "intentionally practiced"!) of being able to intuit other people's "intentions"... and/or to skillfully ask about them when you don't know.