Kevin Kelly's birthday advice

An espaliered ginko tree in the reading garden at Morton Arboretum

Kevin Kelly, from Wired magazine, turned 70 recently and celebrated by offering 103 bits of advice -- "103 Bits of Advice That I Wish I Had Known" -- here.  He did it the previous two years, to: Previous years here (99 for his 69th birthday) and here (68 for his 68th birthday).  The practice seems like a good one.  (Also of note, Kelly has been making a piece of art each day this year...). 

On my 52nd birthday, I think I'd like to pull together 52 pieces of "things that I wish I had known."  I have been wanting to re-read journals and blog posts (and index blog posts)... this might be a product for that.

I read all three lists and copied my favorite 51:

1. Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points.
2. Always demand a deadline. A deadline weeds out the extraneous and the ordinary. It prevents you from trying to make it perfect, so you have to make it different. Different is better.
3. Being able to listen well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love keep asking them “Is there more?”, until there is no more.
4. Rule of 3 in conversation. To get to the real reason, ask a person to go deeper than what they just said. Then again, and once more. The third time’s answer is close to the truth.
5. Don’t be the best. Be the only.
6. Everyone is shy. Other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself to them, they are waiting for you to send them an email, they are waiting for you to ask them on a date. Go ahead.
7. The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they find you. To be interesting, be interested.
8. To make something good, just do it. To make something great, just re-do it, re-do it, re-do it. The secret to making fine things is in remaking them.
9. Show up. Keep showing up. Somebody successful said: 99% of success is just showing up.
10.  If you are not falling down occasionally, you are just coasting
11. Perhaps the most counter-intuitive truth of the universe is that the more you give to others, the more you’ll get. Understanding this is the beginning of wisdom.
12. You are what you do. Not what you say, not what you believe, not how you vote, but what you spend your time on.
13. When someone is nasty, rude, hateful, or mean with you, pretend they have a disease. That makes it easier to have empathy toward them which can soften the conflict.
14. Following your bliss is a recipe for paralysis if you don’t know what you are passionate about. A better motto for most youth is “master something, anything”. Through mastery of one thing, you can drift towards extensions of that mastery that bring you more joy, and eventually discover where your bliss is.
15. That thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult — if you don’t lose it.
16. Learn how to tie a bowline knot. Practice in the dark. With one hand. For the rest of your life you’ll use this knot more times than you would ever believe.
17. The foundation of maturity: Just because it’s not your fault doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility.
18. A multitude of bad ideas is necessary for one good idea
19. Compliment people behind their back. It’ll come back to you
20. Your best response to an insult is “You’re probably right.” Often they are.
21. To be wealthy, accumulate all those things that money can’t buy.
22. If you borrow something, try to return it in better shape than you received it. Clean it, sharpen it, fill it up
23. It is much easier to change how you think by changing your behavior, than it is to change your behavior by changing how you think. Act out the change you seek.
24. Bad things can happen fast, but almost all good things happen slowly.
25. Don’t worry how or where you begin. As long as you keep moving, your success will be far from where you start.
26. I have never met a person I admired who did not read more books than I did
27. The greatest teacher is called “doing”.
28. Every person you meet knows an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about. Your job is to discover what it is, and it won’t be obvious.
29. Cultivate 12 people who love you, because they are worth more than 12 million people who like you
30. Don’t keep making the same mistakes; try to make new mistakes.
31. Anything you say before the word “but” does not count
32. Efficiency is highly overrated; Goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals, vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.
33. Life lessons will be presented to you in the order they are needed. Everything you need to master the lesson is within you. Once you have truly learned a lesson, you will be presented with the next one. If you are alive, that means you still have lessons to learn.
34. It is the duty of a student to get everything out of a teacher, and the duty of a teacher to get everything out of a student.
35. Ask funders for money, and they’ll give you advice; but ask for advice and they’ll give you money.
36. Your growth as a conscious being is measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations you are willing to have.
37. The consistency of your endeavors (exercise, companionship, work) is more important than the quantity. Nothing beats small things done every day, which is way more important than what you do occasionally.
38. You’ll get 10x better results by elevating good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, especially in children and animals.
39. The advantage of a ridiculously ambitious goal is that it sets the bar very high so even in failure it may be a success measured by the ordinary.
40. Make stuff that is good for people to have
41. You cannot get smart people to work extremely hard just for money.
42. 90% of everything is crap. If you think you don’t like opera, romance novels, TikTok, country music, vegan food, NFTs, keep trying to see if you can find the 10% that is not crap.
43. You will be judged on how well you treat those who can do nothing for you.
44. We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day, and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade. Miraculous things can be accomplished if you give it ten years. A long game will compound small gains to overcome even big mistakes.
45. At a restaurant do you order what you know is great, or do you try something new? Do you make what you know will sell or try something new? Do you keep dating new folks or try to commit to someone you already met? The optimal balance for exploring new things vs exploiting them once found is: 1/3. Spend 1/3 of your time on exploring and 2/3 time on deepening. It is harder to devote time to exploring as you age because it seems unproductive, but aim for 1/3.
46. When introduced to someone make eye contact and count to 4. You’ll both remember each other.
47. Take note if you find yourself wondering “Where is my good knife? Or, where is my good pen?” That means you have bad ones. Get rid of those.
48. When you are stuck, explain your problem to others. Often simply laying out a problem will present a solution. Make “explaining the problem” part of your troubleshooting process.
49. Habit is far more dependable than inspiration. Make progress by making habits. Don’t focus on getting into shape. Focus on becoming the kind of person who never misses a workout.
50. If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year?
51. The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.