On a Zen Monk's Daily Habits and Looking Back at Old Habits

 I read this NYT profile of a Zen Buddhist Monk. I was attracted to this section:

I have Habitica — it’s a gaming, get-things-done app. It helps me drink more water, sit down and meditate, all the things I ask myself to do every single day. Did I say thank you to someone? Did I receive thanks from someone and not push it away? Did I receive and give a compliment to someone? Put it on there! Do it! So, I take my vitamins and check off my Habitica stuff

I like how his “to do” list contains things like give and take compliments. I have been doing a pen and pencil version of this habit tracking for about a year. I’m on version 3.0 now. This one includes one that is “connect 3” meaning that I’m making some meaningful and intentional connection to family member, friend, and spouse each day. 

Also on the version 3.0 list:

1. Make a list of 3 things I’m grateful for and 3 things I’m looking forward to dist and 3 things that must be done today (see below for more about what to be grateful for...)
   
2.  Do push ups and sit ups and some yoga
3. Eat greens
4. Meditate 
5. Practice guitar
6. Read a book 
7. Walk or run for 30 mins
8. Notice 5 things
9. Blog something
10. Make 3 intentional connections (a friend, a family member, your partner) (see below)
    

***

Today in the NYT there's a Tara Parker-Pope article about why we should reflect on the lessons of the past year to look for good habits that we started.  We should feel good about them and work to continue them. 

While reliving much of 2020 may sound like a terrible idea, psychologists say it’s a better way to start the new year. Looking back will help you build on the lessons you learned, and you may even discover some hidden positive habits you didn’t realize you had started.

The article also talks about how you should keep a gratitude reminder (a sticky note) on your desk lamp.  She says we express gratitude for 1. Someone.  2. Something.  3. Yourself.

The article also reminds us that the best way to form a habit is to piggy-back it with an another habit.

Studies show that one of the best ways to change behavior and form a new habit is to bundle it with an existing behavior — what in the science of habit formation is called “stacking.” It’s the reason doctors, for example, suggest taking a new medication at the same time you brush your teeth or have your morning coffee: You’re more likely to remember to take your pill when you piggyback it onto an existing habit. Adding steps to your daily commute often is a better way to add exercise to your day than trying to carve out a separate time for a daily walk.

***

How do you "make an intentional connection" with your partner?  Here's the Gottman Institute on doing daily check ins (in reference to making a goal to have a stronger relationship).

Think simple. Make a habit of sending each other love notes via text when you’re apart. Clean after dinner, especially if your partner was the one who cooked. Always make sure your grocery list includes that one tiny indulgence that they love. And if you’re not sure, commit to routinely asking your partner, “What can I do for you today?”

Dr. John Gottman says, “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.” Every day you can do a little and make a big difference in your partnership

***

This post keeps growing.  Julia Rothman in the NYT suggests that we should create, instead of a resolutions list, a More/Less list.  Like this: