When you tell your story, it should be about both of you

 Dr. John Gottman found variables that increase the likelihood of a couple staying together:

An expression of fondness towards each other

How do you express admiration for your partner? Do you tell them what you appreciate about them? Look for ways of letting the other person know that they are important and valued, focus on what you cherish in each other and share those thoughts regularly, and show affection on a regular basis.

A spirit of “we-ness”

Approach conflict conversations in a way that does not focus on who is “right” or “wrong.” Choose to focus on the beliefs, values, goals, and dreams you share in common. When you tell your story, it should be about what’s important to both of you.

Expression of positivity or happiness in your relationship

When you think about your relationship, is the overall impression positive? Do you have more positive interactions than negative ones? Dr. Gottman found that the difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions, known as the 5 to 1 ratio. This “magic ratio” states that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy relationship has five (or more) positive interactions.