Gridlock Problems

 From Gottman Institute:

Conflict happens in every relationship. It’s a myth that in a happy relationship you’ll get along all the time. 

Understanding the type of conflict in your relationship can help you to manage it for a happier connection.

Solvable problems are situational and about the topic at hand. There isn’t usually a deeper meaning to the conflict or a person’s position. 

Perpetual problems are fundamental differences in your personalities or lifestyle needs. All couples have perpetual problems, and they account for 69% of conflicts. Perpetual problems can become gridlocked problems, and when you feel criticized, rejected, or unaccepted by your partner, this can be a sign that you’ve entered into gridlock.

Approach your differences with curiosity rather than correctness. Have a genuine desire to understand the stories underneath the issues. 

To better understand how your partner approaches conflict, ask these open-ended questions: 

• How was conflict handled in your family growing up?
• How do you feel about anger? How was it expressed in your family growing up?
• How can I best support you when you’re feeling angry?
• How do you like to make up after an argument?