Disappearing in Hell of a Book

 All Soot wanted to do right then and there is disappear. To disappear utterly And completely. Disappearing was a way out of everything in his life. Disappearing was a way out of the cycle of violence. Disappearing

was a way to not hate himself when he saw that skin of his in the

mirror. Disappearing was a way for him nor to hare everyone else

that had skin like his. Disappearing was a way out of everything

and he knew that was the reason his mother had taught it to him

It was the reason she and his father had tried so hard to teach him

how to disappear. If he could disappear, he could be free from fear.

Ifhe could disappear, he would not have to worry about bullies. He

would not have to worry about cops. He would not have to worry

abour legislation aimed at his skin. He would not have to worry

about the history of slavery that led him to here. He would not have

to worry about feeling inferior. He would not have to worry about

being angry, and afraid, and never sure which was better to feel

because they both hurt in different ways but they seemed to be all

that he had left. He would not have to worry about not knowing

what to feel when he watched video footage of people that looked

like him being sprayed with fire hoses. He would not have to worry

when he saw old, grainy footage of a man standing on the steps of

a school shouting

"Segregation now! Segregation forever!" He would

not have to worry when he saw men with torches marching in Vir-

ginia. He would not have to worry when a boy about his age in

South Carolina was found hanging from a tree. He would not have

to worry about watching movies and TV shows in which people

who looked like him always died or, if they lived, were good only

for dancing and talking about prison life and the lack of fathers. He

would not have to worry about a world in which those were the only

boxes he could live in. He would not have to worry about all of the

kids who didn't think he was Black enough. He would not have to

worry about liking hip-hop and Dungeons & Dragons at the same

time. He would not have to worry about his skin being too dark or

too light. He would not have to worry about his hair being che

wrong texture. He would not have to worry about his lips being too

big. He would not have to worry about all of the chings his mother

and facher had both been afraid of.

No. He could be free of all of those things. That was the reason

his parents had taught him to be invisible. That was the reason for

the gift they gave him.