That I don't want to identify with my"self"

Odilon Redon (French, 1840–1916), Vase of Flowers, 1900/16 (detail).
Pastel on paper. 35 × 28 in. (88.9 × 71.12 cm).  Milwaukee Museum of Art. link

In January, 2014, I made a list of "What Matters" that is somewhat curious 10 years later.  Why curious? There is lots of drive, moving forward (new places, discipline, habits/schedules, courage) and just one item that involved a state of open-ness: "attention."

Even more curious is what I wrote before I got to that list -- some "pre-writing" on the topic:

What matters? Treating the body like a machine, like a pet... treating the mind that way. Knowing that it needs reflection, quiet. Energy spending. Carefulness.  Struggling against feeling annoyed by Karrie while she continues to be all the things that make me angry, short.  After I've pigeon-holed her as one who can offer me x, y, but not z. Being patient with myself and my own feelings of short comings.  Entropy/Drift.  Knowing that the mind wants no struggle, no pain, no difficulty -- that cognitive or physical dissonance is something that I habitually evade. Being aware that "the mind reacts, the pulse goes up" in ways that I don't want to identify with my"self." That I don't want to happen.

What is apparent to me now is that I'm concerning about momentum, losing momentum, that the body/mind needs to be cared for - something like "self-care" but with the idea of the mind or body being -- literally in this paragraph -- like a pet.

Then, out of the blue, I note "struggling against feeling annoyed by Karrie while she continues to be all the things that make me angry, short."  There is NO suggestion of this in the previous entries of my journal.  

Then, out of the blue, I note first that I'm struggling to be patient with myself and immediately criticize myself for wanting to take things easy... things being physical things, but also emotional things, which I seem to struggle with talking about... that I "habitually evade."  I am aware that my brain responds to things (mind reacts/pulse goes up)... but that I do not want to identify with my"self"....  and that I don't want to happen.  What is this about?  What are the things that I don't want to identify with myself... that I don't want to happen?  (it's like I'm watching my emotion, but distancing myself from them.  It's a curious statement ("that I don't want to happen").  

It seems my emotional responses are what happens, not part of "me." And these feelings are what I want to "habitually evade" in my own words.