Book Notes on Standing at the Edge by Joan Halifax

 

Book Notes on Standing at the Edge by Joan Halifax

• p. 5-background idea: "positive disintegration" Kazimierz Dabrowski, Polish psych... based on idea that crises are important for our personal maturation.  similar to "a central tenet of systems theory: living systems that break down can reorganize at a higher and more robust level -- if they learn from the breakdown experience")
• p. 9-systems theory "a way of seeing the world a collection of interrelated systems" (also, Buddhist concept of "interdependent co-arising")
• p. 17 - on altruism "Buddhism takes a more radical position: it says that altruism and its sister, compassion, can be totally free of the ego, the small self.  Altruism can arise spontaneously and unconditionally in response to the suffering of others... B also suggests that selfless concern for the welfare of others is part of our true nature. Through contemplative practice and ethical living, we can resist the pull of selfishness and come home to the place inside us that loves all beings and holds them in equal regard: the place that fearlessly aspires to end their suffering and is free of bias."
• p. 23 pathological altruism "behavior in which attempts to promote the welfare of another, or others, resuslts in harm that an external observer would conclude was reasonably foreseeable".... also, viewing ourselves as "saving" fixing," and "helping" others can feed our latent tendencies toward power, self-importance, narcissism, and even deception of ourselves and others.
• p. 51 references Jane Hirshfield, who says: "Wall up your house too well, and you will stay dry, but also stay moonless."  References this tanka by Izumi Shikibu 10th c. Japanese poet:
• "Although the wind/blows terribly here/ the moonlight also leaks/ between the roof planks/of this ruined house."
• p. 76/77/78. Leslie Jamison (author of The Empathy Exams): "I'm interested in everything that might be flaweed or messy about empathy -- how imagining other lives can constitute a kind of tyranny, or artificiality absolve our sense of guilt or responsibility; how feeling empahty can make us feel we've done something good when we actually haven't... [W]e start to like the feeling bad for others; it can make us feel good about ourselves.
• p. 77 Rowan Williams "The ethically significant expression of ... empathy would be in saying not, 'I know how you feel,' but, 'I have no idea how you feel."
• p. 78 person gets mad at people saying 'you must have been so scared... or how awful this must be.'  In stead: "I am most grateful for the silence that deep listening affords me, when someone sits across from me or else is quiet at the other end of the phone linem patiently letting me think things out, waiting for me till certain emotions finally surface and I can speak them out loud.... Don't cover up the unesasy silence by apologizing, backgracking, second-guessing, notcing that it's begun to rain, or thanking her for coffee. Let the silence be while s/he is considering your request, wait for them to give an answer."
• p. 83 Sharon Salzberg: May I offer my care and presence unconditionally, knowing that it may be met by gratitude, indifference, anger, or anguish. May I offer love, knowing that I cannot control the course of life, suffering or death. May I find the innner resources to truly be able to give. May I be peaceful and let go of expectations. May I accept things as they are. May I see my limits compassionately, just as I view the suffering of others.
• p. 84 John Paul Lederach. "grandchild imagination." we should project ourselves into the future and see that our grandchildren and the grandchildren of our adversaries could easyily have an intimate and common future. We need to cultivate the ability to imagine ourseles in a relational network that includes our adversaries.  ... a form of cognitive empathy, it prompts us to work for the common good of all.  It also motivates us to understand differences in perspectives, and can be a pathway out of hatred and objectification of others.
• p. 98 about "living by vow"... The vows we take are a grammar of alues reflected in our attitudes, in our thoughts, and in how we are in the world. Our promises and commitments are fundamentally about how we are with each other and ourselves, how we connect and ser e, and how we meet the world." examples: "not to abandon those who are vulnerable" "always work to end the suffering of others"... the Golden Rule, Three Pure Precepts of Buddhism (no harming, doing good, doing good for others).  Precept to help in the world to nourish civility.  Vows to transform our selfishness,,, vows oto support us in recognizing impermancence, interdependence, unselfishness, and compassion.  "This means that we are able to see that we are not separate from any being or thing, and we live accordingly."... "Their moral nerve and moral sensitivity have given them the strong back and soft front to meet suffering and what we call in Zen an 'appropriate response,' which is courage and integrity mediated by wisdom."
• p. 114 moral apathy.  James Baldwin: I'm terrified at the moral apathy, the death of the heart, which is happening in my country. These people have deluded themselves for so long that they really don't think I'm human." (from Remember This House). "Taking the plunge" ... where moral character is shaped and where real integrity can be born.
• p. 124. Five Precepts of Buddhism: 1. To not harm and to revere all life, 2. To not steal and to practice generosity, 3. To avoid sexual misconduct and to practice respect, love, and commitment, 4. To avoid harmful speech and to speak truthfully and constructively, 5. To avoid intoxicants and to cultivate a sober and clear mind
• p. 126 (in chapter entitled Practices that support integrity) "In order to counter an y discouragement I might feel at the end of the day I take time to recall with gratitutde all that has been give to me. Sometimes I recall the sunset I just witnessed, or an email from a student whom I have not seen in years, or the light in a student's eyes that tells me they are doing well, or even a difficult moment that taught me a good lesson. Gathering up these moments at the end of the day is a practice of gratitutde that give sme a sense of the value of life and of relationship. It is a kind of countying of blessings. But I can't hoard those blessings. In my heart or directly, I share them with someone who could use the goodness or learning from my day. Pilcrow. I also try to write at least one person every day to thank them for the good work they are doing, the blessings they have contributed to my life, or good work they are doing, the blessings they have contributed to my life, or the love they have given to others.... I believe that, like compassion, the practice of gratitude benefits both giver and receiver and enriches the experience of connection.
• p. 127 Meditation... "offers us the opportunity to recall our values and intentions and to remember our vow to benefit others. And it makes us aware of impermanence, which helps us let go of complaining: if the present moment is not a pleasant one, we remember that it will shift, and we can ask: What can I learn here?"
• p. 165. Five Gatekeeper's of Speech. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it beneficial? Is it necessary? Is it the right time?
• p. 165.  TNH: Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that can cause division or hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things that you are not sure of. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice even when dong so may threaten your own safety." 
• p. 171 a Japanese monk asks zen master Basho, "What is the essence of your practice?" The master responded: "Whatever is needed."  Story of handyman Jose... Like Basho, Jose seemed to be engaged in whatever was needed, not just functionally but also existentially, as if his work were a spiritual practice. Whether he was dealing with plumbing issues, electrical failures, or doing flood prevention, Jose appeared to work with total connection and no stress. ... "Through my friendship with him, I cam eto se that our deeper identity lies less in what we do and more in how we hold what we do -- how we engage with our work; whether laying bricks, making laws, or sitting with dying people..... pilcrow... The term 'engagement' is how psychologist Dr. Christina Maslach describes a healthy relationship to our work and service to others, while burnout is the fatigue and discouragement resulting from an unhealhty relationship to our vocation.
• p. 172 "Our service to others may have its challenging moments, but in general we are absorbed in and gratified by what we do. Our livelihood enhances the quality of our lives while ideally enhancing the quality of others' lives as well. But when we work too many hours, under untenable circumstances, for too little emotional reward -- or when we feel our efforts aren't making a positive difference to others -- these factors can push us to the limit of what we can sustain. From there, it's easy to fall over the edge and into the bleak landscape of burnout, where we feel jaded and demoralized, where we lose our heart and taste for work, where we lose our desire to serve."
• p. 175. The antidote to burnout wasn't necessarily a vacation. "It is wholeheartedness."  Benedictine Monk: You are so tired through and through because a good half of what you do here in this orgqnization has nothing to do with your true powers, or the place you have reached in your life. You are only half here, and half here will kill you after a while.  You need something to which you can give your full powers... (metaphor of a swan...) He does it by moving toward the elemental water where he belongs. It is the simple contact with the water that gives him grace and presence.  You only have to touch the elemental waters in your own life, and it will transform everything." (you may need to support yourself with something secondary until your work has ripened...)
• p. 177. Busyness, from one point of view, is a form of seeking behavior that is abetted by the neurochemical dopamine. Dopamine drives us to be motivated, to want and to pursue. It amplifies our arousal levels and makes us more curious We cold call it the juice that fuels our brain's search engine. . . . Neuroscience shows that even more than achieving goals, the act of seeking can enhance human satisfaction through the production of this neurochemical.  
• p. 178 I learned from Laurance Rockfeller... that, to avoid burnout, it is important to foster the qualities of apprecatiion, gratefulness, humor, and curiosity, as well as openness to whatever happen and the willingness to take risks.  He also taught me that it is important not to have heavy expectations of ourselves or others, and to not be attached to outcomes, but simply to do our best ot benefit others.  His lessons have proved invaluable to me and informed my leadershp as Upaya grew into a large organization.  
• p. 182 Burnout survey asks about 3 main factors: emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and inefficacy.  (These factors are the opposites of those she uses to define engagement: energy, involvement, and efficacy.)
• p. 193 (in a chapter called Practices the Support Engagement) Norman Fischer -- treat our work as an offering, we give freely for the beenfit of others. He writes that "work as offering is a kind of burning up of the self in the activity of work... just doing it completely without holding anything back."  .... At the tiem of the Buddha, the Sanskrit word bhavana meant cultivation, related to farming -- tilling the soil, sowing seeds, watering, weeding, harvesting -- the the family and vilage could be fed.  The Buddha explanded the use of bhavana to include cultivating the field of the mind through meditation.... "work practice," using work as a medium for cultivating wisdom and compassion.  
• p. 194 Practicing Right livelihood.  Noble Eightfold Path (Right View, Aspiration, Speech, Action, Livelihood, Effor, Mindfulness, and Concentration). Right Livlihood is most connected to burnout. At its core are several qeustions. How can we do work that is good for ourselves, our family, our community, our earth, and future generations?  And how can our work become a path for awakening out of our sufferin gand delusions.
• p. 194 The Buddha defined Right Livlihood by what we should not do for work:  5 types of businesses: Business in weapons, human beings, meat, intoxicants, poison."  TNH says: "You have to find a ay to earn your living without transgressing your ideals of love and compassion The way you support yourself can be an expression of your deepest self, or it can be a source of sufering for you and others."  Aligning with our values incluees not only what we do and why we do it, but how we do it.  We have to make sure we do our work with integrity.