Tuning in to your partner

 From Gottman

One of the most meaningful ways you can strengthen your relationship is by tuning in to your partner.

 

Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that couples build trust and intimacy through small moments of connection, what he calls “turning toward bids.”

 

A bid is any attempt your partner makes for attention, affection, or support. It might look like a sigh after a long day, a quick “look at this!” while scrolling, or a vulnerable share about something on their mind.

 

When you respond with interest, you’re sending the message: “I see you. You matter to me.” Over time, these small responses build up an emotional bank account that helps your relationship weather stress and conflict.

 

Listening is a key part of this process. Hearing your partner’s words isn’t enough. True listening means setting aside distractions, being curious instead of defensive, and reflecting back what you’ve understood.

 

Gottman’s ATTUNE model reminds us that awareness, tolerance, turning toward, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy are the building blocks of connection.

 

Every time you tune in, whether it’s with a kind word, eye contact, or undivided attention, you’re laying another brick in the foundation of trust and intimacy.

 

How can you tune in to your partner today?