Nobody waves, but everybody waves back

While reading "I Want to Thank You" by Gina Hamadey, I read found this link about "waving."  

Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder of the University of Chicago study the importance of "weak ties," or acquaintances, for people.  Nobody waves, but everybody waves back.  They provide positive stimulation, fun, social comparison, emotional support, and the feeling of being admired and respected... they give us "access to a wider range of social experience."  

Epley and Schroeder instructed participants in a study to talk to a stranger on their morning commute. Participants reported a more positive experience when they connected than when they didn't. Epley writes: Nobody waves, but everybody waves back."  

Somebody has to be the person who waves.

Researcher Gillian Sandstrom lists these great resources on how to get starting "waving" to others:

Tips on how to talk to strangers

• Article with TONS of useful links, with tips from what to talk about to, importantly, how to end conversations.
• The Art of Manliness (which, as a woman, I prefer to think of as the Art of Living Well) has tons of great resources about how to talk to strangers.  Start with this ultimate guide on “How to Make Small Talk”, full of great advice, and then check out the resource lists for these two podcasts (1 and 2).
• Conversations with strangers almost necessarily start with small talk, but you can learn ways to enjoy these conversations more, and to turn them into something deeper. Time management guru Laura Vanderkam shares tips learned from small-talk expert Debra Fine, who is also mentioned in this New York Times article with “3 tips to have better conversations” and this podcast
• Laura Vanderkam’s “7 ways to gracefully exit a conversation”, including having a wingman.
• The author talks about she’s always been shy, why she decided to “get it under control”, and how she did it (though it’s still hard). link
• The same author talks about how to survive a party (or other event) where you don’t know anybody. She talks about how to find someone to talk to, and what to say once you do.
• An introverted business school professor shares “how I’ve managed to strike the balance between meeting new people – and being exposed to interesting new ideas – and not having to initiate awkward conversations”. link
• Another introverted author talks about how to connect to people at a conference (“a massive space with lots of people, noise, and activity”). I love her tip on helping yourself by making others feel comfortable – that’s a trick I use myself.
• The insightful Jeff Haden’s “10 habits of genuinely charming people” could be co-opted to help grease the wheels during your conversations with strangers.
• Similarly, you might want to adopt some of these “10 rules of a great conversationalist”, including being genuinely interested in your conversation partner.
• TED article with 3 tips on how to prolong and have more interesting conversations (tip 1 is “Ask for stories, not answers”).
• Ok, not exactly a tip for talking to strangers, but a tip for getting to a deeper, more interesting conversation. The author encourages “Introducing your friends for who they are rather than focusing on what they do”, so “conversations…don’t begin and end with who has the most interesting job in the room”.

People reporting on their attempts to talk to more strangers

• The not-so-successful experiences of a reporter who challenged herself to talk to fellow commuters every day, as part of Loneliness Awareness Week.
• Results of a 21-day experiment to talk to more strangers. I love how the author discusses how difficult it was at times – I’ve felt all those things. At the end he offers 4 tips for starting conversations. Bottom line: “Almost every interaction left me feeling a little happier. I also felt like I learned new things by talking to people from different walks of life who I wouldn’t normally meet.”
• Results of a week-long experiment to talk to people on the train. Again, I can relate to the authors difficulties in getting started and maintaining a conversation, and to the fun in the successful ones. Her conclusion: “When there was an actual jumping-off point for a conversation — a book, coffee-flavored chips, super-cool pants — the other person was very receptive, and it resulted in an actual back-and-forth. As nervous as I was to break the ice, those experiences were surprisingly fun.”
• After a long flight, during which she observed two men bond (to the extent that one invited the other to his birthday party), an introvert wondered what she was missing out on by forgoing conversations with strangers. Read about the hilarious Jessica Pan‘s journey to overcome a fear of talking to strangers. Also, check out her brave, honest, funny book “Sorry I’m late – I didn’t want to come”, describing her adventures in extraverting.
• Projects telling the stories of average people, encounters with strangers
  • Humans of New York
  • The Stranger Project (Vancouver, Canada)
  • 1000 Londoners
  • Commute Blog (London, UK) (see stories here and here)

Videos

• A ball pit with a sign “Take a seat and make a friend”. Conversation starters were written on the balls. Shows unlikely pairs of strangers connecting with one another, revealing their dreams and inspirations, finding things in common.
• TED talks:
  • “10 ways to have a better conversation” by writer and radio host Celeste Headlee (who is incredibly smart, has more energy than most mere mortals, and also just happens to have trained as an opera singer!)
  • “Talking to strangers: Having a meaningful conversation” by Trigger Conversations‘ founder and chief curioso (great, and apt, job title!) Georgie Nightingall
  • “Why you should talk to strangers” by Kio Stark.  She’s also written a little bitty book published by TED, which cites some of my research, and written this article about how to gracefully exit conversations.
  • “Connected, but alone?” by psychologist and sociologist Sherry Turkle, who studies the effects of technology on social connection.