Gottman: What Soothes You?

Winter Twilight, 1927, Wanda Gag. The Whitney Museum

 If you’re not taking care of yourself, how can you expect to show up for your partner, your children, family members, or any other important people in your life? 

 

“Self-care” is everywhere. It’s trendy and, as a concept, it’s extremely vague. The words “self-care” may conjure up images of bubble baths, mud masks, or anything involving essential oils. 

 

But what if bubble baths don’t do it for you?

 

Self-care isn’t just about treating yourself—it’s about treating yourself well. And that looks different for everyone.

 

• So what relaxes or soothes you? 
• What makes you feel good in your body? 
• What’s an experience or activity that makes the world slip away?
• What did you enjoy doing as a kid? 
• What about that activity or experience did you enjoy most?

 

Maybe your version of self-care is going for a run, or maybe it’s watching a favorite episode of a show you’ve already seen. Maybe you like to get immersed in a jigsaw puzzle or a novel—or maybe self-care means lighting all the candles you own, singing at the top of your lungs, and cleaning the toilet.

 

What does self-care look like for your partner? How is it similar to your version of self-care? How is it different? How can you create moments that facilitate self-care for each of you?

 

When you tune into the things that light you from within, you are better able to share your light with others.