(from June 14, 2026 in journal)
On a walk yesterday, weighted with backpack of woe .. or just repeatedly thinking ..without any facts to think about -- of my kids. CC< was at a beach south of Minneapolis. I just got tired of the weight. The weight which isn't even a thing... nothing's broken; my kids think I"m either ireelevant and/or evil. So what? I wished for a lightness -- this morning I though of the Julian of Norwich quote "all things shall be well.." How to achieve that lightness... of all things? staring with an appreciation fo the world? a sense of "don't add your pigpen stink to the world? Joy fullness caused by gratitude? "It is enough" sense?
(from June 21)
Name your worries - the nagging things... is the house roof leaking? is siding rotting? is basement staircase falling in? what's happen with my GI? will it get better? do I need heavier meds? money: how will I fill gap of income when I retire? Will we move to WI? how many more day do I have left? how should I fill my days? will my kids ever want any relationship with me? how am I physically declining? how can I stop/slow that? is there another chapter in my life after retirement? or just an "afterward"? am I too comfortable? is there still music in me? what's my passion project? I have written 244 haikus! yay! now what?
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