On skillful speech

Easy Food Swaps from Crossfitignite.com

In a recent check-in email, an old colleague Maddie said about the department which she was a member of for a year:

I am sure you guys are just rocking it though, you always take on challenges with such grace.   

I thought that, just like in the text I got from my retired colleague, that it was very well said.   It's positive, complimentary.  It's not necessarily true, but it makes me feel good and well-disposed to think well of Maddie.

In Buddhism, as a part of the Eightfold Path, there's this concept of "right speech."  Joseph Goldstein often speaks about it as "skillful speech." This can be abstaining in some things (lying, divisive speech, abusive speech, and idle chatter."  And it can be virtue in the active sense, as in "He speaks the truth, holds to the truth, is firm, reliable, no deceiver of the world."  or "delighting in creating concord" and "affectiong and polite speech that is pleasing to people." (link)

There are whole realms of speech that need skill... (and learning).  Some of these might be how to say things in a "teaching" setting... whether it's a classroom teacher or therapist or a parent.  I'm thinking about like when a child says something like "I'm just not good at soccer/writing/math." And you correct the child with a single word... "yet."  Carol Dweck (of Mindset fame) has a number of great hints for parents and teachers.

For some reason I think about this as a "say this/not this" like in the "food swaps" that used to be so common.

Other non-traditional areas of skillful speech might involve a "friend" or "colleague" setting, text or email check ins.  I realize that for lots of people, there's no challenge in knowing the right thing to say.  I'm betraying my own spectrumy side here.

It might involve particular contexts, like "thank you notes" or "to a grieving person."

It might also involve settings like "put downs" or "roasts," like the Churchill quip:

Bessie Braddock or Lady Astor: "Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk."

 Winston Churchill: "My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."