On "getting to" rather than "having to"

taking a walk at the Morton Arboretum recently

(I found this in my journal from November 5, 2016)

Is "appetancy" a word? I'm looking for a word like "appetite for life"... "lust for life." If you are at the symphony are you at the edge of your seat, trying ti take it all in?  OPEN to being surprised?  Partly appetancy is about listening, being mindful and giving full attention to something.

The opposite of it is "the football stance to life," being braced, ready to be hit, impacted, tensed muscles and be ready to be attacked, accosted, assailed.  The phone rings -- the expectation is that it will be a pain in the ass, a chore, a drag.  I hear "dad" from downstairs... the expectation is that this will be a request, a demand, an inconvenience.  The expectation is that it's NOT going to be a gift of some sort.

Early in relationships -- or in old relationships that are far away -- the contact comes with a gift, an expectation for novelty, fun.  You run to the phone.  Later, that voice is always asking something of you, requesting a favor.  You go to the phone bracing yourself, creating excuses.

The phone itself becomes a think that asks of you -- subscribe to Steppenwolfe Theatre, provide money to the CSO.  

When kids call your name "dad!" it begins as excitement about what kids what to show you.  I want to do something with you.   But later, it's something from you, for instance, Char is bored and wants you as a playmate and it feels like a hassle, you say "not now" and resent doing it.

I would "get to" play guitar each night rather than "have to" because it's on my calendar.

Are we "expecting" or "enduring" life?   How does it change from one thing to the other?  In The Great Gatsby, how do things "turn dull" ("things that one seemed exciting now seem dull").  (Bad memory of that quote... something related to "fading ale".)

Why do I like to talk to Pat Potokar?   She always seems to have a new way of looking at something, some new project, some specific expertise.

***

Thoreau, on November 4, 1862, in "Autumnal Tints," writes "There is as much beauty visible to us in the landscape as we are prepared to appreciate, -- not a grain more."

Are you poised for taking in new things, taking ON new things?