There is nothing to fear

In the fall the leaves fall, revealing hidden things in the tree branches.

I was reading the ‘magical’ section of Murakami’s Killing Commendatore) and developed a specific feeling/body sensation when I thought “have no fear” or “there is nothing to be frightened of.”

It was an opening in the chest, a relaxation… it was a deep realization of the sense that things/events/challenges come… then go…. Things don’t stay the same… and a radical understanding of that.

The feeling was (originally) in the context of CCL and HDL… and my sense of being hurt by them… my openness to being hurt in the future

Looking back, I was “demanding” feelings from them… or information that’s been hard to be without

On the walk, it was more expansive… a sense of openness reflected in the grate, dramatic cloud banks and sunset and size of trees and suddenly I was more aware of nature … shapes, intricacies, textures…

“Nonreactive” as a statement, not a learned response (or “tool”).. In a sense that the world goes on, it spins, earth falls away, spins away from the sun, trees grow, wind blows through dry leaves, high in trees, kids interact, people walk their dogs, people in tights and with tight choppy steps focused on their own to do lists and squabbles and manias.. And joys and deep loves and pleasures and big screen TVs and wishes for their own kids.

On the walk, my brain went to religious songs “be not afraid, I go before you always” or “though you should walk in the valley of death.”

[and underneath all this, a tingling in the belly and chest… a trust that the ideas and perceptions are TRUE for now.]

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“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” ~ George Addair