Since the funeral, I've heard a lot about Aunt Laurel. She's the troll, the angry version of the dead sister Diane, Jabba the hut, a hog chomper. I've not heard much about how she's sweetness and light.
I recently came across this great quote from Oscar Wilde: Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
This reminds me of how I often referred to Charlotte's behavior as "pooping in the pool" when she came into a room. Often, this was when we sat down at the table for dinner.
We bring a lot to the table: a level of energy, a mood, a mode of appreciation, humor, positivity or complaining.
We might just think that "we are what we are"... a set personality type, cynical, gruff, acerbic, whatever. "Take me as I am!" Or a denial that we might have some responsibility.
In any case, our way of interacting with the world is one of the conditions of others' experience. You are part of the feedback loop. And so, you have a responsibility.
I've come to think of this attitude towards others as hygiene, etiquette. Just like you wouldn't come to the table with dirty hands or stinking, sweaty clothes (because it will affect other's experience), you shouldn't come to the table being shitty.
This can go wrong... you might be overly appreciative and insincere. That sets people off in the wrong way... and lack of truth/trust is always corrosive.
But this is a practice of sincere appreciation, positivity, of taking breaks between things and setting intentions. If you don't like the meal prepared, the right thing is to find something to compliment... the effort that it took to make the meal if nothing else.
Sometimes, I've felt like an angry caged animal, recognizing that I'm not fit for the public. In these cases, I should not come and poop in the pool (or on the table).
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